Thursday, February 3, 2011

Leaving 28 behind

This is the eve of my last day of being 28. Not a substantial number but I have learned a lot in these years. This year I had a few realisations that have helped my world view to expand. Some of them seem so simple but when you really think about them its amazing how small and insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things. Not to say that life is insignificant, life is wonderful and meaningful. But we as North Americans and possibly all humans put a lot of emphasis on things that are unimportant and seem to ignore the things that are. So here is all that life has given me this year.

1. I worked hard at changing my lifestyle and was rewarded with losing over 40lbs.
2. I found a lost sick puppy that someone had tossed in a ditch and I fought for 3 days to keep her with us on this planet. It was grueling and scary holding her little life in my hands. We named her Daisy.
3. I gave up being at home and rejoined the workforce.
4. My husband and my relationship hit rock bottom. I lost some people I thought were friends, I lost the trust of my husband, I was betrayed by people I loved and trusted, I lost my job and I don't know that we have recovered from this yet, there are a lot of changes yet to be made.
5. I started to meditate.
6. I realised one night looking at a sunset on one of the equinoxes that time marches on and has always no matter what is happening. The earth continues to change the seasons and rotate the same way it did 1 million years ago, 1 thousand years ago, 100 years ago and it will continue to do so. Our ancestors looked at the same sunsets we do and they have passed into history and so shall we and the earth will keep rotating.
7. I have found myself a very good set of eclectic friends that I love dearly and I know they love me for who I am.
8. I am living my life as myself and trying to let go of trying to please everyone. I am also trying to express myself when I am angry or hurt instead of burying it.
9. Winter is absolutely silent, more silent then any day in the summer.
10. I got a new job doing something I thought I would love. I have been afraid to take the steps to start my career, worried about what happens if I fail and then I have nothing left and have been taking minimum wage jobs instead. I left that job after I realised how ridiculous I was stressing myself out because my supervisor at the job had it out for me and harassed me.
11. My baby boy started school!
12. Every action has a reaction, its easy to see the spiderweb we are all apart of. Things we do now may have consequences later. Everyone has had something affect them in some meaningful way.
13. We are all weird in our own way and we should celebrate that!
14. I need more patience.
15. I have much to learn and I should enjoy having the knowledge come in its own time.....refer to #14.
16. I am smart and a good person......everyone needs to believe this and KNOW it.
17. I have trust issues.
18. I have been realizing that our lives are more closely tied to nature then we think.
19. I have been trying to let go of my prejudices.
20. I have finally taken the steps I needed to for my career. I applied and to my surprise had a interview for a job that would be a great learning place and start to my career. I also have seen that if I do not get this job I need to go back to school, in fact even if I get the job I still need more schooling.
21. I am in charge of making myself happy. No one else.
22. Money is a hard thing to control.
23. I choose how I raise my kids.
24. I got my first tattoo and didn't chicken out or cry.
25. I can stand up for myself.
26. I can still play soccer and golf well!
27. I have a whole lot of compassion and empathy.
28. All the love and joy my children bring me everyday!!!!!!

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